THRIVING DURING CAREGIVING
Phase One
A TIME TO EMBRACE
If we are to achieve results
never before accomplished,
we must expect to employ methods
never before attempted.
— Sir Francis Bacon
Saying Yes to caregiving feels risky. Contained in the Yes are many unanswerable questions. That’s the first acceptance. You will need to ask some new questions to reveal truly relevant answers.
Some of the most valuable answers will be found by turning inward. Tuning in to and learning about your self builds resilience. Become a student of your own strategies for survival. Then listen within for intuitions that offer new ways of coping. The lessons in these first pivotal caregiving years are preparing you for the future. Later, when you look back, it will almost seem that a plan was unfolding. Your intuition will have been your trusted guide.
TO WEEP AND TO LAUGH
And the day came when the risk it took
to remain tight inside the bud was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom.
-Anais Nin
Caregiving is an emotional time. Our first instinct may be to pull in, tighten up, and exert control. Consider an alternative.
Emotional availability to life is essential for vital living. It is part of being awake to life. The ebb and flow between practical brain and emotional intelligence creates a rhythm that can buoy and empower you as you navigate caregiving.
At first, when a problem arises, you will react quickly using habitual success strategies. Often, what may look like a crisis, isn’t. Slow down. Identify what you’re feeling. Rethink priorities and notice what’s missing. Your actions or inactions will then be properly aligned with the situation. Soon you will become adept at questioning your old strategies, and will invent new ones that work far better.
A TIME OF SILENCE AND SPEAKING
We did not change as we grew older;
we just became more clearly ourselves.
— Lynn Hall, Author
Then, like a sailboat in irons, sail flapping against the mast, you may find yourself in an uneventful period. There is nothing to do, no new way forward. This inaction can be frustrating. You know a new phase will come, but you don’t know when or what it will bring. Acceptance of each stage of caregiving is key. For now, notice the lighter things. The gifts that each day brings. You are only a small part of the rhythm of life. Look for opportunities for reflection on your parent’s life and your own. Who was your parent in the decades before your birth? Your grandparents? What familial behaviors are surfacing now in your caregiving journey?
As caregiving is a time for reflection it is also a time for speaking. For speaking up. For learning to speak in a new way. Oddly, you may find yourself speaking to your parent in your child voice, and then in the very same day, a more parental voice. You may find you need to “give voice” in news ways as you set new boundaries. Get comfortable with your voices and use them well.
The Caregiver’s Quest
A Mutual Support Community
Where Caregivers Share How They Thrive
Notes on Thriving During Caregiving are based on her personal experience.
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Welcome to The Caregivers Quest where you can
Learn how to increase your emotional resilience during caregiving, &
Share what you’ve learned so as to help others.
